1
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:11,060
PREVIOUSLY
ON "CALIFORNICATION"...

2
00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:13,300
YOU COULD HAVE
MADE ME LESS MOODY

3
00:00:13,330 --> 00:00:14,530
IF YOU'D MADE
ME INTO A MOODY.

4
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:15,800
I'LL MAKE YOU A MOODY
RIGHT NOW.

5
00:00:15,830 --> 00:00:17,300
Bill:
GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE

6
00:00:17,330 --> 00:00:20,140
AND FORGET ABOUT THE WOMAN
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO MARRY.

7
00:00:20,170 --> 00:00:21,670
BACK TO WORK.
YES, SIR.

8
00:00:21,710 --> 00:00:23,740
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME
ABOUT THERE, CAPTAIN?

9
00:00:23,770 --> 00:00:25,410
PLEASE.
I'M A MARRIED MAN.

10
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:26,440
HEY, BABY.

11
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:29,550
MY NAME IS HANK.

12
00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:30,650
I KNOW.

13
00:00:31,750 --> 00:00:32,780
OW!

14
00:00:32,820 --> 00:00:36,820
THIS IS MIA, BILL'S DAUGHTER,
AND THIS IS HANK.

15
00:00:36,850 --> 00:00:38,790
YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?
NO.

16
00:00:38,820 --> 00:00:40,160
I AM 16, YOU KNOW.

17
00:00:40,190 --> 00:00:41,460
SO I'VE BEEN TOLD.

18
00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:43,160
MY DAUGHTER'S AN ANGEL.

19
00:00:43,190 --> 00:00:44,490
OH, YOU POOR BASTARD.

20
00:00:44,530 --> 00:00:46,360
I HAVE
A CREATIVE-WRITING COURSE,

21
00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,400
AND I NEED TO TURN
SOMETHING IN TODAY.

22
00:00:48,430 --> 00:00:50,430
YOU MUST HAVE
SOME PIECE-OF-SHIT SHORT STORY

23
00:00:50,470 --> 00:00:52,370
YOU NEVER PUBLISHED
AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

24
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,100
REMEMBER ME?
HOW COULD I FORGET?

25
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:56,410
I THINK WE TOOK THINGS
TO A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL.

26
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,110
CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND?

27
00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:00,710
THAT'S MARRIED GUY.
COME ON.

28
00:01:00,740 --> 00:01:02,710
I DIDN'T KNOW
HE WAS GONNA BE HERE.

29
00:01:02,750 --> 00:01:05,180
LET HER GO.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

30
00:01:05,220 --> 00:01:06,450
FUCKER!

31
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,250
OH!
OH, MY GOD!

32
00:01:08,290 --> 00:01:11,190
I'M GLAD YOU CAME.

33
00:01:17,730 --> 00:01:21,730
* DOING THE RIGHT THING

34
00:01:34,210 --> 00:01:36,710
I'M BACK, AND YOU'RE BLACK,
WHICH IS COOL.

35
00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:38,550
I'M A BIG FAN OF BLACK JESUS.

36
00:01:38,580 --> 00:01:40,750
HIGH FIVE.
DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING.

37
00:01:40,780 --> 00:01:41,850
THERE YOU GO.

38
00:01:41,890 --> 00:01:44,320
[ ORGAN PLAYING OMINOUS MUSIC ]

39
00:01:44,350 --> 00:01:45,720
CAN I HELP YOU, MY SON?

40
00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:46,860
HEY, PADRE.

41
00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:50,260
NO, NO, I WAS JUST TRYING TO
CHECK IN WITH J.Z. UP THERE.

42
00:01:50,290 --> 00:01:52,300
ANYTHING I CAN
HELP YOU WITH?

43
00:01:52,330 --> 00:01:55,900
SURE YOU DON'T HAVE A GRAB-ASS
APPOINTMENT WITH AN ALTAR BOY?

44
00:01:57,270 --> 00:01:58,840
THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME
FOR THAT.

45
00:01:58,870 --> 00:02:00,940
WHOA.

46
00:02:00,970 --> 00:02:05,310
YOU, UH...
YOU CHECKING OUT MY PACKAGE?

47
00:02:05,340 --> 00:02:09,510
YOU DON'T WANT TO
SUCK MY COCK, DO YOU?

48
00:02:09,550 --> 00:02:12,180
DO YOU WANT ME
TO SUCK YOUR COCK?

49
00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:16,920
DO YOU WANT ME TO WANT YOU
TO SUCK MY COCK?

50
00:02:16,950 --> 00:02:19,360
DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME
WHY YOU'RE HERE?

51
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:22,190
IT'S ABOUT A GIRL.
SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

52
00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:25,800
SHE'S SMART AND FUNNY,
UP FOR ALL KINDS OF INTERCOURSE.

53
00:02:25,830 --> 00:02:27,360
BUT SHE'S NOT KAREN.

54
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:28,870
I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

55
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:30,370
KAREN DOESN'T
LOVE YOU, HANK.

56
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:32,900
SHE LOVES ME.

57
00:02:51,260 --> 00:02:53,390
WITH A GAY PRIEST!

58
00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:56,630
OH, FUCK ME.

59
00:02:56,660 --> 00:03:00,260
HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU
YOU HAVE A LOT OF BAD DREAMS?

60
00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:02,000
OH, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH BLACK JESUS

61
00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:04,600
AND A GAY PRIEST
JUST LOOKING FOR A LITTLE ORAL

62
00:03:04,630 --> 00:03:06,340
TO GET HIM
THROUGH HIS NIGHT?

63
00:03:06,370 --> 00:03:08,940
[ GIGGLES ]
L.O.L.

64
00:03:08,970 --> 00:03:10,610
WHAT WAS THAT?
HMM?

65
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,640
WHAT'D YOU JUST SAY
JUST NOW?

66
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,580
WHAT?
L.O.L.

67
00:03:14,610 --> 00:03:17,410
"LAUGH OUT LOUD"?
YEP.

68
00:03:17,450 --> 00:03:20,320
THAT'S A PART
OF YOUR LEXICON?

69
00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:21,950
REALLY? L.O.L.?

70
00:03:21,990 --> 00:03:24,290
SHOULDN'T IT BE PART
OF YOURS, TOO?

71
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,620
YOU ARE WRITING
FOR CYBERSPACE, YOU KNOW.

72
00:03:26,660 --> 00:03:29,590
OH, AND THERE GOES MY BONER.
WAVE BYE-BYE.

73
00:03:29,630 --> 00:03:31,960
WHAT IS YOUR ISSUE
WITH "L.O.L."?

74
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,600
I DON'T HAVE AN ISSUE,

75
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,730
UNLESS YOU COUNT THE FACT
THAT EVERY TIME YOU SAY IT,

76
00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:38,000
YOU'RE CONTRIBUTING TO THE DEATH
OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

77
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,310
SO, LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT.

78
00:03:42,340 --> 00:03:45,440
YOU'RE GONNA LET THE FACT
THAT I JUST SAID "L.O.L."

79
00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,980
GET IN THE WAY OF ME GIVING YOU
THE BEST B.J. OF YOUR LIFE?

80
00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:52,920
NOT WHEN YOU PUT IT
THAT WAY.

81
00:03:57,950 --> 00:04:02,530
YEAH, I'M NOT THE BIGGEST FAN
OF THE TERM "B.J." EITHER.

82
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,040
[ DOG BARKING ]

83
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,940
Marcy:
BABY, DON'T MAKE ME BEG.

84
00:04:49,970 --> 00:04:52,410
WE HAVEN'T HAD SEX
SINCE MY LAST PERIOD.

85
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,410
YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HORNY
I GET.

86
00:04:57,650 --> 00:05:00,880
YOU CAN HAVE THE ASS
IF YOU WANT.

87
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,350
YOU CAN KEEP IT.

88
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,990
LAST TIME WE TRIED ANAL
DURING THE LIGHT OF DAY --

89
00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:07,960
NOT PRETTY, REMEMBER?

90
00:05:07,990 --> 00:05:10,390
YOU USED TO BE ALL ABOUT
THE MORNING SEX.

91
00:05:10,430 --> 00:05:11,660
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU?

92
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:13,530
I'M SORRY, BABY.
I'M SORRY.

93
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,670
IT'S JUST -- I'M REALLY
STRESSED OUT RIGHT NOW, OKAY?

94
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:18,700
IT'S WORK STUFF, REALLY.

95
00:05:18,740 --> 00:05:20,070
I KNOW.

96
00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:21,670
PRETEND I'M PARALYZED.

97
00:05:21,710 --> 00:05:22,670
WHAT?

98
00:05:22,710 --> 00:05:24,610
[ Chuckling ] GOD.

99
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,410
COME ON.
THIS WILL BE FUN.

100
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:27,940
YOU NEED TO SHOOT SOME GLUE.

101
00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:30,580
I'LL JUST LAY HERE.
DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO.

102
00:05:30,610 --> 00:05:33,380
I-I'LL BE YOUR VESSEL.

103
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,930
WHOA! WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE?

104
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,130
WHAT?
YOU DON'T LIKE THAT?

105
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,760
NO, I JUST --

106
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,030
YOU CAN'T JUST GO SEND PROBES
INTO UNEXPLORED TERRITORY

107
00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:51,800
WITHOUT ANY ADVANCE WARNING.

108
00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,640
YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYING?

109
00:05:53,670 --> 00:05:56,670
I WAS JUST TRYING TO SPICE
THINGS UP A LITTLE BIT.

110
00:05:56,710 --> 00:05:58,640
WHY? YOU DON'T THINK
THINGS HAVE BEEN HOT ENOUGH?

111
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,880
IT WAS JUST
A FINGER UP THE ASS.

112
00:06:01,910 --> 00:06:04,550
I COULD USE THE LITTLER ONE.

113
00:06:04,580 --> 00:06:07,720
I'VE GOT TO GET TO WORK,
OKAY?

114
00:06:07,750 --> 00:06:09,890
I'M GONNA BE LATE.

115
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,790
LOVE YOU.

116
00:06:16,790 --> 00:06:17,990
[ KNOCKING ON DOOR ]

117
00:06:18,030 --> 00:06:19,630
FUCK OFF!

118
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,630
[ KNOCKING ON DOOR ]

119
00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:27,200
"B" TO THE "I"
TO THE DOUBLE "L."

120
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,040
WHAT'S UP, MY NIG NOG?

121
00:06:29,070 --> 00:06:31,040
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

122
00:06:31,070 --> 00:06:32,710
WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE
CALLED.

123
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,510
I WOULDN'T HAVE ANSWERED,
BUT YOU COULD'VE LEFT A MESSAGE,

124
00:06:35,550 --> 00:06:37,080
WHICH I WOULD HAVE
QUICKLY ERASED.

125
00:06:37,110 --> 00:06:38,780
UH, YEAH,
THIS ISN'T SOMETHING

126
00:06:38,820 --> 00:06:42,520
I WOULD CHOOSE TO DISCUSS
OVER THE PHONE.

127
00:06:42,550 --> 00:06:44,050
THIS IS ABOUT MIA.

128
00:06:44,090 --> 00:06:46,760
OH.

129
00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:49,560
YOU'RE AWARE
SHE'S IN HIGH SCHOOL, CORRECT?

130
00:06:49,590 --> 00:06:51,060
REALLY? UH, NO.

131
00:06:51,090 --> 00:06:53,960
I MEAN, I-I WAS THINKING
SHE WAS OLDER THAN THAT --

132
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,930
UH, COLLEGE,
GRAD SCHOOL MAYBE,

133
00:06:55,970 --> 00:06:57,500
UH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

134
00:06:57,530 --> 00:07:00,170
QUIT FUCKING AROUND, HANK.
THIS IS SERIOUS.

135
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,510
OH, SHIT, BILL.
I'M SORRY, MAN.

136
00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:05,240
I'M REALLY SORRY,

137
00:07:05,270 --> 00:07:08,510
AND I -- YOU KNOW, THIS IS JUST
A FUCKED-UP SITUATION.

138
00:07:08,550 --> 00:07:10,180
AND IT SHOULD HAVE
NEVER HAPPENED,

139
00:07:10,210 --> 00:07:12,020
BUT NOBODY'S TO BLAME,
REALLY.

140
00:07:12,050 --> 00:07:14,080
I'M GLAD, IN A WAY,
THAT YOU'RE HERE,

141
00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,550
YOU KNOW, SO WE CAN GET ON
THE SAME PAGE, ALL RIGHT, MAN?

142
00:07:17,590 --> 00:07:19,660
Y-YOUR TURN.

143
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:23,190
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

144
00:07:23,230 --> 00:07:25,230
I DON'T KNOW. WHAT ARE --
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING --

145
00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:26,960
IT DEPENDS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

146
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,900
ARE YOU STONED OR DRUNK?

147
00:07:29,930 --> 00:07:32,900
WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?
WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?

148
00:07:32,940 --> 00:07:37,110
WHATEVER. I MEAN...
I GOT TO ASK YOU A FAVOR, HANK.

149
00:07:37,140 --> 00:07:40,540
OH. FUCK.
WELL, A FAVOR. WOW.

150
00:07:40,580 --> 00:07:42,910
OKAY, THIS SHOULD BE
ENTERTAINING.

151
00:07:42,950 --> 00:07:47,180
I-I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GUEST
SPEAKER AT MIA'S SCHOOL TODAY,

152
00:07:47,220 --> 00:07:48,850
BUT I HAVE TO GO OUT OF TOWN.

153
00:07:48,890 --> 00:07:50,290
UH-HUH.

154
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:53,520
AND THIS CONCERNS ME
HOW EXACTLY, WILLAMINA?

155
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,290
WELL, I WAS HOPING
THAT YOU MIGHT CONSIDER

156
00:07:56,330 --> 00:07:57,790
STEPPING IN FOR ME.

157
00:07:57,830 --> 00:08:00,660
IT'S A CREATIVE-WRITING
CLASS,

158
00:08:00,700 --> 00:08:02,800
AND I WAS GONNA TALK
ABOUT PUBLISHING.

159
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:05,070
YOU CAN TALK ABOUT WRITING
OR NOT WRITING

160
00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:07,070
OR WHATEVER WORKS.

161
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:09,210
YEAH.

162
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,710
AND WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?

163
00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:13,210
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

164
00:08:15,210 --> 00:08:17,010
CALL OFF THE WEDDING.

165
00:08:17,050 --> 00:08:19,320
ANYTHING ELSE?

166
00:08:19,350 --> 00:08:21,790
HMM.

167
00:08:21,820 --> 00:08:23,820
MMM, THAT'S A NICE JACKET.

168
00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:30,230
[ BELL RINGS ]

169
00:08:37,030 --> 00:08:39,240
YOU A SMOKER?
THERE YOU GO.

170
00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:44,010
Hank: ALL RIGHT,
SO, AT THE END OF DAY,

171
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:47,940
IF YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ELSE --
TELEMARKETING,

172
00:08:47,980 --> 00:08:51,250
PHARMACEUTICAL SALES,
OR DITCH DIGGING,

173
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,320
MAJOR LEAGUE UMPIRE -- I WOULD
SUGGEST THAT YOU DO THAT,

174
00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:55,620
BECAUSE BEING A WRITER BLOWS.

175
00:08:55,650 --> 00:08:59,290
IT'S LIKE HAVING HOMEWORK EVERY
DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

176
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,790
[ LAUGHTER ]

177
00:09:00,820 --> 00:09:02,690
ANY MORE QUESTIONS?

178
00:09:02,730 --> 00:09:03,960
YIKES. YEAH?

179
00:09:03,990 --> 00:09:06,130
ARE YOU SINGLE?

180
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,730
OF COURSE I AM.
WHO WOULD HAVE ME?

181
00:09:08,770 --> 00:09:10,070
[ LAUGHTER ]

182
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:12,140
[ BELL RINGS ]
OKAY, GIRLS,
LET'S THANK HANK

183
00:09:12,170 --> 00:09:13,840
FOR COMING IN
ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE.

184
00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:16,310
[ APPLAUSE ]

185
00:09:16,340 --> 00:09:19,940
CIGARETTE BREAK, EVERYBODY.
ALL RIGHT, BYE-BYE.

186
00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:21,910
BYE.

187
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:27,080
DUDE, YOU'RE A FUCKING
ROCK STAR.

188
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,380
PLEASE.
IT'S AN ALL-GIRLS SCHOOL.

189
00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:30,090
ANYTHING WITH A HALF A COCK
AND ONE BALL

190
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,690
IS GONNA GET A RISE
OUT OF THESE KIDS.

191
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:34,920
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
BEST JOB I'VE EVER HAD.

192
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,630
THEY'RE VERY YOUNG.

193
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:38,230
OH, SAY THAT AGAIN...

194
00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:39,800
SLOWER THIS TIME.

195
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,900
MY -- MY FLESHY T.A.
DIDN'T HEAR YOU.

196
00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:42,900
STOP.

197
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:44,070
LAUGH IT UP, FUNNY MAN,

198
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:46,370
BUT YOU COULD GO TO JAIL
FOR THAT SHIT.

199
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,670
YOU'RE ACTING LIKE IT'S
A FUCKING MOMMY and ME CLASS.

200
00:09:49,710 --> 00:09:52,810
THESE GIRLS ARE RIGHT
ON THE CUSP OF THEIR WOMANINITY.

201
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,940
WHAT ELSE IS OUT THERE
FOR GUYS LIKE US?

202
00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:55,880
GUYS LIKE US?

203
00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:58,950
I WROTE A NOVEL...
THREE OF THEM, ACTUALLY.

204
00:09:58,980 --> 00:10:00,350
OH, YEAH?

205
00:10:00,380 --> 00:10:01,950
THEY NEVER CAME
OUT OF THE DRAWER,

206
00:10:01,990 --> 00:10:03,020
BUT I FUCKING WROTE THEM.

207
00:10:03,050 --> 00:10:04,820
I WROTE THE SHIT
OUT OF THEM.

208
00:10:04,850 --> 00:10:05,890
SO, WHAT DO I DO?

209
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,730
WRITE SCREENPLAYS LIKE
THE REST OF THE FUCKING HERD?

210
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:10,160
OR DO I FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT

211
00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:12,800
AND PROMOTE AN APPRECIATION
OF GREAT WRITING?

212
00:10:12,830 --> 00:10:14,060
AND JUST FUCK THE ONES

213
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:17,170
WHO ARE JUST BORED AND STUPID
ENOUGH TO SPREAD 'EM FOR YOU?

214
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:21,140
SPEAKING OF WHICH,
MIA IS A SERIOUSLY GOOD WRITER.

215
00:10:21,170 --> 00:10:22,070
YEAH?

216
00:10:22,110 --> 00:10:23,940
SHE'S WRITTEN A COUPLE
GOOD SHORT STORIES,

217
00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:24,940
BUT NOTHING SINCE.

218
00:10:24,970 --> 00:10:26,340
BUT THEY'RE GOOD.

219
00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,140
WHO KNOWS?

220
00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:31,680
MAYBE I'M GRADING ON A CURVE
'CAUSE SHE GIVES ME WOOD.

221
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,350
NOT SO MUCH
WITH THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.

222
00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:35,950
AND THE PROSE
WAS A LITTLE STIFF.

223
00:10:35,990 --> 00:10:37,320
SHE WAS TRYING
TOO HARD, REALLY.

224
00:10:37,350 --> 00:10:39,260
RIGHT.

225
00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:40,960
VAN FUCKIN' HALEN.

226
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:52,940
UGH!

227
00:10:54,370 --> 00:10:56,110
[ COUGHS ]

228
00:10:58,980 --> 00:11:00,080
BUSTED.

229
00:11:00,110 --> 00:11:01,480
OH, GOD,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

230
00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:03,180
I COULD'VE BEEN THERE
FOR HOURS.

231
00:11:03,210 --> 00:11:04,350
HUH.
POOR HANK MOODY.

232
00:11:04,380 --> 00:11:06,350
WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH YOU
AND MR. CHIPWICH?

233
00:11:06,380 --> 00:11:07,450
MEANING WHAT EXACTLY?

234
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,750
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

235
00:11:08,790 --> 00:11:10,350
DOES HE HAVE
CARNAL KNOWLEDGE?

236
00:11:10,390 --> 00:11:11,890
YEAH, THAT.

237
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,020
NOT YET.

238
00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:14,160
BE CAREFUL.

239
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:16,890
SAYS THE MUCH-OLDER MAN
WHO ACTUALLY DID SLEEP WITH ME.

240
00:11:16,930 --> 00:11:17,990
THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

241
00:11:18,030 --> 00:11:20,230
RIGHT, THERE YOU WERE,
JUST MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS,

242
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:22,500
WALKING DOWN ABBOT KINNEY,
WHEN YOUR DICK FELL IN ME.

243
00:11:22,530 --> 00:11:23,770
OOPSIE.

244
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,330
WHAT IS THIS?
OPEN-MIKE NIGHT?

245
00:11:25,370 --> 00:11:27,970
LOOK, JUST BE CAREFUL OF HIM
AND THOSE OF HIS ILK.

246
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,910
HANK MOODY,
AS I LIVE AND BREATHE,

247
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,370
ARE YOU LOOKING OUT
FOR ME?

248
00:11:31,410 --> 00:11:32,380
WHY WOULDN'T I?

249
00:11:32,410 --> 00:11:34,840
ASIDE FROM THE FACT
THAT YOU'RE MAD AS A HATTER,

250
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:35,850
YOU'RE A GOOD KID.

251
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:36,980
[ SIGHS ]

252
00:11:37,010 --> 00:11:39,920
WELL, SEEING AS I CAN'T SEEM
TO GET YOU BACK IN THE SACK,

253
00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:42,020
I GUESS I'LL JUST
HAVE TO SETTLE FOR HIM.

254
00:11:42,050 --> 00:11:44,350
I GET THE FEELING HE WON'T
PLAY AS HARD TO GET.

255
00:11:44,390 --> 00:11:46,160
OUT OF THE CAR.

256
00:11:50,090 --> 00:11:52,030
HAVE A NICE DAY
AT SCHOOL, DEAR.

257
00:11:52,060 --> 00:11:53,060
BYE, HANKARELLA.

258
00:11:57,270 --> 00:11:58,230
HOW DO I LOOK?

259
00:11:58,270 --> 00:12:00,800
OH, SWEETIE, YOU LOOK GREAT.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

260
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,240
IT'S A GUITAR LESSON.
IT'S NOT A FASHION SHOW.

261
00:12:03,270 --> 00:12:07,140
MOTHER, ROCK, FASHION --
IT'S ALL ONE WORLD.

262
00:12:07,180 --> 00:12:09,080
OKAY, AVRIL.

263
00:12:09,110 --> 00:12:10,180
HE IS CUTE.

264
00:12:10,210 --> 00:12:12,320
HE IS?
I HADN'T NOTICED.

265
00:12:12,350 --> 00:12:13,450
I LOOK LIKE A GEEK.

266
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,180
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
OH!

267
00:12:15,220 --> 00:12:17,350
IT'S OKAY.
I'LL GET IT.

268
00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:19,820
WELL, HELLO, DAVE.

269
00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:22,560
LADIES.

270
00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:23,360
YOUR SHIRT.

271
00:12:23,390 --> 00:12:26,500
WHAT?
YOU'RE NOT A FAN, ARE YOU?

272
00:12:26,530 --> 00:12:28,830
THAT WOULD MAKE ME SO SAD.

273
00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:29,930
I THINK IT'S COOL.

274
00:12:29,970 --> 00:12:31,230
WELL, IT'S JUST,
YOU KNOW...

275
00:12:31,270 --> 00:12:32,240
BECCA.

276
00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:34,240
RIGHT.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.

277
00:12:34,270 --> 00:12:36,810
I WASN'T THINKING.
THAT'S OKAY.

278
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,470
SHE'S MY YOUNGEST STUDENT

279
00:12:38,510 --> 00:12:39,910
AND MY MOST PROMISING.

280
00:12:39,940 --> 00:12:41,850
OH, SHE IS?
WELL, THAT'S GREAT.

281
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:45,080
I PROBABLY HAVE SOME SMELLY, OLD
THING IN MY CAR SOMEWHERE.

282
00:12:45,110 --> 00:12:47,250
OR YOU COULD JUST TURN IT
INSIDE OUT.

283
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:50,190
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD
USE THE BATHROOM ON --

284
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:52,090
OR NOT.

285
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,890
UM...

286
00:12:56,930 --> 00:12:59,230
HEY...DAVE.

287
00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:00,830
HEY, SWEETIE.

288
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,470
BETTER?
MUCH.

289
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,970
I LIKED IT BETTER OFF,
BUT THAT'S JUST ME.

290
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,100
HOW YOU DOING?

291
00:13:07,140 --> 00:13:08,200
GOOD.

292
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,010
YOU BEEN PRACTICING?

293
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:21,520
Henry:
I'M HERE WITH HANK MOODY,

294
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:24,250
AUTHOR OF CELEBRATED
UNDERGROUND NOVELS

295
00:13:24,290 --> 00:13:27,320
LIKE "SOUTH OF HEAVEN,"
"SEASONS IN THE ABYSS,"

296
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:30,390
AND MOST FAMOUSLY,
"GOD HATES US ALL."

297
00:13:30,430 --> 00:13:31,630
HOW ARE YOU, HANK?

298
00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:34,200
I'M A LITTLE UNDER THE WEATHER,
BUT IT'S GOOD TO BE HERE.

299
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:37,530
SOME FOLKS HAVE COMPARED
THE WAIT FOR YOUR NEXT NOVEL

300
00:13:37,570 --> 00:13:41,240
TO THE DECADE-PLUS WAIT
FOR THE NEW GUNS N' ROSES ALBUM.

301
00:13:41,270 --> 00:13:44,010
WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK WILL SEE
THE LIGHT OF DAY FIRST?

302
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:47,080
WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE THAT I
BEAT GUNS N' ROSES TO THE PUNCH,

303
00:13:47,110 --> 00:13:49,310
BECAUSE I WANT TO GET
ON OPRAH'S BOOK CLUB.

304
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:51,410
I WANT THAT STICKER
FROM THE BOOK CLUB.

305
00:13:51,450 --> 00:13:54,180
I WANT TO GET ON THAT SHOW,
AND I WANT TO ASK HER...

306
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:57,120
ABOUT THAT SCENE IN "BELOVED"
WHERE SHE SQUATS AND PEES.

307
00:13:57,150 --> 00:13:58,990
HOW MANY TAKES DID SHE DO?
WAS SHE METHOD?

308
00:13:59,020 --> 00:14:01,120
IN ALL SERIOUSNESS,
YOUR BLOG FOR HELL-A MAGAZINE

309
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,330
IS PROMPTING A LOT OF
UNDERGROUND WATER-COOLER TALK.

310
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:04,390
IT'S GREAT.

311
00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:06,530
THANK YOU,
BUT IT'S REALLY --

312
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:10,270
IT'S MORE LIKE PISSING OUT
OF MY ASS THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

313
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:13,600
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST --
THINGS BOTHER ME, AND I VENT.

314
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,940
I WRITE IT DOWN.

315
00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:16,540
WHAT'S YOUR LATEST
OBSESSION?

316
00:14:16,570 --> 00:14:18,670
JUST THE FACT THAT PEOPLE SEEM
TO BE GETTING DUMBER AND DUMBER.

317
00:14:18,710 --> 00:14:21,010
I MEAN, WE HAVE
ALL THIS AMAZING TECHNOLOGY,

318
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,350
AND YET COMPUTERS HAVE TURNED

319
00:14:22,380 --> 00:14:24,380
INTO BASICALLY FOUR-FIGURE
WANK MACHINES.

320
00:14:24,410 --> 00:14:27,620
THE INTERNET WAS SUPPOSED TO
SET US FREE, DEMOCRATIZE US,

321
00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:31,250
BUT ALL IT'S REALLY GIVEN US IS
HOWARD DEAN'S ABORTED CANDIDACY

322
00:14:31,290 --> 00:14:33,520
AND 24-HOUR-A-DAY ACCESS
TO KIDDY PORN.

323
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,260
PEOPLE -- THEY DON'T WRITE
ANYMORE. THEY BLOG.

324
00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:38,260
INSTEAD OF TALKING,
THEY TEXT --

325
00:14:38,290 --> 00:14:41,560
NO PUNCTUATION, NO GRAMMAR,
L.O.L. THIS AND L.M.F.A.O. THAT.

326
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,330
IT JUST SEEMS TO ME THAT IT'S
JUST A BUNCH OF STUPID PEOPLE

327
00:14:44,370 --> 00:14:47,000
PSEUDO-COMMUNICATING WITH
A BUNCH OF OTHER STUPID PEOPLE

328
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,000
IN A PROTOLANGUAGE

329
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,110
THAT RESEMBLES MORE
WHAT CAVEMEN USED TO SPEAK

330
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,240
THAN THE KING'S ENGLISH.

331
00:14:51,270 --> 00:14:52,940
YET, YOU'RE PART
OF THE PROBLEM.

332
00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:55,180
YOU'RE OUT THERE BLOGGING
WITH THE BEST OF THEM.

333
00:14:55,210 --> 00:14:58,250
HENCE MY SELF-LOATHING,
YOU KNOW.

334
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,120
Dave: BAR CHORDS ARE TOUGH.
I KNOW.

335
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,150
BUT ONCE YOU MASTER THEM,

336
00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:03,490
ALL THE SECRETS
OF THE ROCK 'N' ROLL UNIVERSE

337
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,460
WILL BE REVEALED --
TRUST ME, OKAY?

338
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:08,460
OKAY.

339
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:11,260
UH, HOLD ON A SECOND.
I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

340
00:15:11,290 --> 00:15:13,400
WAIT RIGHT HERE, OKAY?
YOU GOT IT.

341
00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:17,130
HEY, HOW'D IT GO?

342
00:15:17,170 --> 00:15:19,600
I'M SURE
YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS,

343
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,640
BUT YOU HAVE
A REALLY SWEET KID THERE.

344
00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:24,510
OH, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE PREACHING
TO THE CHOIR.

345
00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:25,640
BUT THANKS.
IT NEVER GETS OLD.

346
00:15:25,670 --> 00:15:29,010
SHE'S REALLY INTO IT, TOO,
WHICH IS REALLY COOL TO SEE.

347
00:15:29,050 --> 00:15:30,980
MAKES MY JOB A PLEASURE.

348
00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:33,520
WELL,
SHE COMES BY IT HONESTLY.

349
00:15:33,550 --> 00:15:38,150
HER DAD IS REALLY INTO MUSIC,
AND, UH, I WAS IN A BAND ONCE.

350
00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:41,120
I'D LOVE TO HEAR
THE STORIES SOMETIME.

351
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,290
[ CHUCKLES ]

352
00:15:42,330 --> 00:15:44,960
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
EXCUSE ME.

353
00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:49,170
HELLO?

354
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,170
HEY, SWEETIE.
HOW ARE YOU?

355
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,270
HOW WAS THE FLIGHT?
UH-HUH.

356
00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:57,410
AND THE HOTEL --
IS IT OKAY?

357
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,010
HEY, YEAH,
H-HOLD ON ONE SECOND.

358
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:00,980
WHERE'D HE GO?

359
00:16:01,010 --> 00:16:04,280
BREATHE, HONEY. IT'S OKAY.
HE'S JUST OUTSIDE.

360
00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:05,580
I GOT TO GO.

361
00:16:05,610 --> 00:16:08,250
UM, BECCA'S JUST FINISHING
HER GUITAR LESSON.

362
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,390
Mia:
...MUSIC THAT YOU LOVE.

363
00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:12,720
Dave: I AM A SUCKER
FOR RADIOHEAD.

364
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:16,090
WHAT ARE
YOUR WEEKEND PLANS?

365
00:16:16,130 --> 00:16:17,630
GOT TO REHEARSE
WITH THE BAND.

366
00:16:17,660 --> 00:16:19,200
WHAT DO YOU GUYS
SOUND LIKE?

367
00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:22,570
IT'S LIKE RADIOHEAD.
WE GOT A KILLER BASSIST.

368
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:23,400
RIGHT.
YEAH.

369
00:16:23,430 --> 00:16:26,200
ALL THOSE THINGS.
ALL THOSE THINGS.

370
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,400
WHAT'S THIS?

371
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,810
I MADE IT FOR YOU --
SOME SONGS I LIKE.

372
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,240
I THOUGHT
YOU MIGHT LIKE THEM, TOO.

373
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:38,150
WHOA.
A MIX TAPE -- CD.

374
00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:40,820
NO ONE'S MADE ME ONE OF THESE
IN A LONG TIME.

375
00:16:40,850 --> 00:16:44,250
THANK YOU, SWEETIE.
I WILL TREASURE IT ALWAYS.

376
00:16:44,290 --> 00:16:46,060
SAME TIME NEXT WEEK?

377
00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:47,290
YEP.

378
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:48,760
ADIOS.

379
00:16:56,330 --> 00:16:58,570
Hank: LOOK, I DON'T WANT
TO TAKE SIDES HERE,

380
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,170
BUT I WANT TO SAY,
FOR THE RECORD, CATEGORICALLY,

381
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,740
NEVER, NEVER STICK A FINGER
UP A GROWN MAN'S ASS

382
00:17:03,770 --> 00:17:04,740
WITHOUT WARNING.

383
00:17:04,770 --> 00:17:06,280
DON'T DO IT.

384
00:17:06,310 --> 00:17:07,280
HI.

385
00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:08,510
THANK YOU.

386
00:17:08,540 --> 00:17:10,350
WRITE THAT DOWN.

387
00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:12,620
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'VE BEEN WITH OTHER GUYS.

388
00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:15,220
AND SOMETIMES A LITTLE ASS PLAY
IS NOT ONLY WELCOME,

389
00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:16,390
BUT IT'S APPRECIATED.

390
00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:19,290
I UNDERSTAND, BUT YOU GOT TO BE
GENTLE WITH THE BROWN EYE.

391
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,120
MR. BROWN EYE'S
A SENSITIVE MAN.

392
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,230
HEY, HEY, HEY,
SORRY I'M LATE.

393
00:17:23,260 --> 00:17:26,800
FOUND A REDHEAD
WANDERING THE PARKING LOT.

394
00:17:26,830 --> 00:17:28,430
BROUGHT HER IN FOR YOU.

395
00:17:28,460 --> 00:17:30,570
SORRY I'M LATE.
STUCK IN TRAFFIC.

396
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,440
LISTENING TO THE RADIO --
VERY ENTERTAINING.

397
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,370
L.O.L.

398
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,170
SO, HAVE YOU BEEN
TELLING HER

399
00:17:37,210 --> 00:17:39,510
WHAT AN AIRHEAD
YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND IS?

400
00:17:39,540 --> 00:17:44,110
UH, NO,
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO.

401
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,680
I HEARD THE INTERVIEW, HANK.

402
00:17:45,710 --> 00:17:48,720
NOTHING LIKE BEING THE OBJECT
OF SCORN AND DERISION

403
00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:49,790
ON PUBLIC RADIO.

404
00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:52,390
WELL, THAT'S THE POINT,
RIGHT?

405
00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:56,230
BECAUSE IT'S PUBLIC RADIO.
WHO'S LISTENING? SO...

406
00:17:56,260 --> 00:17:59,530
SO, IS THIS WHY
HIS RELATIONSHIPS DON'T LAST?

407
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,160
BECAUSE THE GIRLS
CAN'T LIVE UP

408
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:02,700
TO SOME RIDICULOUS
FUCKING GOLD STANDARD?

409
00:18:02,730 --> 00:18:05,800
WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?
DID YOU GET YOUR HAIR DONE?

410
00:18:05,830 --> 00:18:07,840
IF YOU SPENT LESS TIME FOCUSING
ON OTHER PEOPLE'S FLAWS,

411
00:18:07,870 --> 00:18:09,840
YOU MIGHT NOTICE THAT YOU'VE GOT
A COUPLE OF YOUR OWN.

412
00:18:09,870 --> 00:18:12,710
SPEAKING OF FLAWS,
DODGER GAME, FRIDAY NIGHT?

413
00:18:12,740 --> 00:18:14,240
I DIDN'T SAY
THAT I DIDN'T.

414
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:15,440
GREAT.
YOU WANT TO HEAR SOME?

415
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:17,650
IT SEEMS LIKE
YOU WANT TO TELL ME.

416
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,550
YEAH, I DO.

417
00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:20,650
YOU DRINK TOO MUCH,
WRITE TOO LITTLE,

418
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,920
AND THE ONLY EXERCISE YOU GET
IS IN THE BEDROOM.

419
00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:24,850
YOU LOVE WOMEN,
BUT YOU HATE YOURSELF,

420
00:18:24,890 --> 00:18:27,660
SO THAT ANY WOMAN WHO ACTUALLY
REALLY DOES LIKE YOU

421
00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:29,390
IS ULTIMATELY DEEMED
A FOOL.

422
00:18:29,430 --> 00:18:34,460
AND SEEING AS THAT WOMAN
COULD PRETTY MUCH BE ANYONE,

423
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:37,170
THIS ONE IS SAYING GOODBYE.

424
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,700
H-HOLD ON JUST ONE SECOND.

425
00:18:38,730 --> 00:18:41,170
I SEEM TO HAVE HURT YOU,
AND I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.

426
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,710
BUT THAT'S NOT
WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.

427
00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:44,910
THIS IS ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

428
00:18:44,940 --> 00:18:46,710
YOU WANT TO TELL ME
WHAT IT'S ABOUT?

429
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,210
B.R.B., HANK.

430
00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:56,590
I WILL GO AND MAKE SURE SHE
DOESN'T KILL HERSELF THIS TIME.

431
00:18:56,620 --> 00:18:57,590
AND BY THE WAY,

432
00:18:57,620 --> 00:18:59,620
GETTING ALL AGGRO
ABOUT A LITTLE STINKY PINKY

433
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:05,290
IS DEFINITELY A SYMPTOM
OF A MUCH BIGGER PROBLEM.

434
00:19:05,330 --> 00:19:06,730
Hank: OH, JEEZ.

435
00:19:10,870 --> 00:19:13,540
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.

436
00:19:15,870 --> 00:19:17,840
BITCHES.

437
00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:30,450
INTRUDER.

438
00:19:30,490 --> 00:19:32,990
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I JUST POOPED MYSELF.

439
00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:34,720
AH!

440
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,360
THAT WAS VERY COOL --

441
00:19:36,390 --> 00:19:39,560
WHAT YOU DID TODAY,
TALKING AT MIA'S SCHOOL.

442
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,860
OH, YEAH, CAN WE
PLEASE AGREE RIGHT NOW

443
00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:43,530
TO NEVER SEND BECCA THERE?

444
00:19:43,570 --> 00:19:44,630
OKAY.

445
00:19:44,670 --> 00:19:45,730
HOW'S MY GIRL?

446
00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:46,840
I'M GOOD.

447
00:19:46,870 --> 00:19:48,870
I'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK ON,
BUT, YEAH --

448
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:51,840
I WAS TALKING ABOUT BECCA,
BUT I LIKE WHERE YOUR HEAD'S AT.

449
00:19:51,870 --> 00:19:53,280
THAT'S EMBARRASSING.

450
00:19:53,310 --> 00:19:55,910
I JUST SLIPPED INTO A PAST LIFE
FOR A SECOND.

451
00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:57,610
I STILL GET MY MAIL THERE.

452
00:19:57,650 --> 00:20:00,020
I LOVE YOUR FEET.

453
00:20:00,050 --> 00:20:02,750
SHE'S GOT A CRUSH
ON HER GUITAR TEACHER.

454
00:20:02,790 --> 00:20:04,020
OH, WELL, THAT'S GREAT.

455
00:20:04,050 --> 00:20:07,690
AT LEAST IT'S NOT THE CAPTAIN
OF THE FUCKING FOOTBALL TEAM.

456
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:08,660
IS HE CRUSH WORTHY?

457
00:20:08,690 --> 00:20:11,490
DOES HE BRING OUT
YOUR INNER ROCKER SLUT?

458
00:20:11,530 --> 00:20:13,830
YOU KNOW,
HE IS PRETTY FUCKIN' HOT, YEAH.

459
00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:15,560
SHOULD I BE WORRIED?

460
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:16,770
ISN'T THAT BILL'S PROBLEM?

461
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,570
YEAH, I DON'T KNOW
IF BILL WORRIES ENOUGH.

462
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,440
WHATEVER.

463
00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:23,410
HEY, YOU THINK I MIGHT, UH...

464
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:26,610
TAKE BECCA OUT
FOR SOME ICE CREAM OR SOMETHING?

465
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:27,580
[ CHUCKLES ]

466
00:20:27,610 --> 00:20:30,410
YOU COULD, BUT, YOU KNOW,
YOU JUST MISSED HER.

467
00:20:30,450 --> 00:20:32,720
SHE'S SNOOZING.
SORRY.
OH, SHIT.

468
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,320
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

469
00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:40,290
IF YOU MUST.

470
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:47,930
IN THIS, UH...PAST LIFE OF OURS,
WAS I MEAN TO YOU?

471
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:52,670
DID I EVER -- DID I
MAKE YOU FEEL STUPID?

472
00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:56,000
YOU WEREN'T MEAN, NO.

473
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,540
BUT YOU CAN BE PRETTY HARD
ON PEOPLE, HANK.

474
00:21:00,580 --> 00:21:04,780
I WISH IT WAS DIFFERENT.

475
00:21:04,810 --> 00:21:06,720
AND SO DO I.

476
00:21:06,750 --> 00:21:08,750
BUT IT'S NOT.

477
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:13,960
HOW IS THAT GIRL
FROM THE FUND-RAISER?

478
00:21:13,990 --> 00:21:16,560
SHE IS PISSED AT ME.

479
00:21:16,590 --> 00:21:17,990
SHE'S NOT.

480
00:21:18,030 --> 00:21:19,060
YEAH.

481
00:21:19,090 --> 00:21:21,960
[ CHUCKLES ]
SHE'LL GET OVER IT.

482
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,570
HANK?

483
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:24,970
YEAH?

484
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,100
IS THAT BILL'S JACKET?

485
00:21:28,140 --> 00:21:31,070
OH, THAT'S A LONG STORY.

486
00:21:31,110 --> 00:21:33,780
I GOT TO GO.
GOOD NIGHT, FOOT.

487
00:21:38,580 --> 00:21:41,350
* ALL ALONE

488
00:21:41,380 --> 00:21:43,750
* ON THE FLOOR

489
00:21:43,790 --> 00:21:49,120
* NEXT TO YOUR TWIN-BED
BOX SPRING AND MATTRESS *

490
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,760
* THE DOOR

491
00:21:51,790 --> 00:21:54,600
* IS AJAR

492
00:21:54,630 --> 00:21:57,370
* FROM AFAR YOU CAN HEAR
BANDS PRACTICING *

493
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,140
[ HORN HONKS ]

494
00:22:00,170 --> 00:22:02,770
* AND WHEN YOU DREAM

495
00:22:02,810 --> 00:22:06,680
* YOU DREAM OF A DAY

496
00:22:06,710 --> 00:22:10,550
* WHEN YOU FIND SOMETHING
YOU COULD LOVE *

497
00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:13,120
* HALF AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE

498
00:22:13,150 --> 00:22:17,550
* ALL YOUR LITTLE,
ROUND MIRRORS *

499
00:22:17,590 --> 00:22:21,060
* SEE YOURSELF REFLECTED
IN ONE *

500
00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:23,860
* THERE'S A HOLE IN THE MIDDLE

501
00:22:23,890 --> 00:22:27,900
* YOU CAN'T SEEM TO FILL

502
00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:30,530
HEY.

503
00:22:30,570 --> 00:22:32,900
YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT FAIR
TO SAY "B.R.B."

504
00:22:32,940 --> 00:22:34,940
AND THEN NEVER
ACTUALLY B.R.B.?

505
00:22:34,970 --> 00:22:37,570
BUT APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

506
00:22:37,610 --> 00:22:38,670
COME HERE.

507
00:22:38,710 --> 00:22:39,780
[ SCOFFS ]

508
00:22:39,810 --> 00:22:41,010
GOOD MORNING.

509
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:42,410
GOOD MORNING.

510
00:22:42,450 --> 00:22:45,050
I, UH, NEEDED MY BLACK SKIRT.

511
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:46,210
OH, THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE.

512
00:22:46,250 --> 00:22:49,150
IT'S PROBABLY HARD TO BE TAKEN
SERIOUSLY IN A COURTROOM

513
00:22:49,180 --> 00:22:50,520
WHEN YOU'RE BOTTOMLESS.

514
00:22:50,550 --> 00:22:54,620
THOUGH I WOULD
TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY.

515
00:22:54,660 --> 00:22:58,830
I, UH, ALSO WANTED
TO GIVE YOU THIS.

516
00:22:58,860 --> 00:23:00,960
OH, SHIT.

517
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,170
SO, YOU'RE GONNA BLOW
THIS WHOLE THING

518
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,900
OVER MY ISSUES WITH THE LANGUAGE
OF CYBERSPACE?

519
00:23:05,930 --> 00:23:08,600
WHAT'S THIS WHOLE THING
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?

520
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:09,540
WE DRINK, WE FUCK,

521
00:23:09,570 --> 00:23:11,840
WE WATCH OLD MOVIES
IN YOUR APARTMENT, HANK.

522
00:23:11,870 --> 00:23:13,710
SOUNDS FUCKIN' AWESOME.

523
00:23:13,740 --> 00:23:16,780
YOU'RE JUST PISSED
'CAUSE I BEAT YOU TO THE PUNCH.

524
00:23:16,810 --> 00:23:19,450
YOU WERE LOOKING
FOR ANY EXCUSE TO BAIL.

525
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:20,520
SO SAYS YOU.

526
00:23:20,550 --> 00:23:23,120
BUT I GUESS
WE'LL NEVER FIND OUT.

527
00:23:23,150 --> 00:23:24,420
I GUESS NOT.

528
00:23:28,020 --> 00:23:29,990
HE LEFT HIS WIFE.

529
00:23:30,030 --> 00:23:33,200
OH.

530
00:23:34,730 --> 00:23:36,700
OKAY.

531
00:23:36,730 --> 00:23:39,070
THAT'S WHAT
THIS WAS ABOUT. FUCK.

532
00:23:39,100 --> 00:23:41,500
IN A WAY,
I HAVE YOU TO THANK.

533
00:23:41,540 --> 00:23:43,210
YOU REALLY DID
RATTLE HIS CAGE.

534
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,470
YEAH.

535
00:23:44,510 --> 00:23:46,910
GLAD TO BE OF SERVICE,
MILADY.

536
00:23:46,940 --> 00:23:48,780
[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

537
00:23:48,810 --> 00:23:49,850
I JUST --

538
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,150
[ CHUCKLES ]

539
00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:52,880
I JUST FEEL SO USED.

540
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:56,120
SHUT UP.
WE WERE USING EACH OTHER, HANK.

541
00:23:56,150 --> 00:23:57,190
OKAY.

542
00:23:57,220 --> 00:24:00,060
I LOVE HOW YOU'RE TAKING
THE MORAL HIGH GROUND HERE.

543
00:24:00,090 --> 00:24:02,890
YOU KNOW, I'M SURE THAT IF
I CANVASSED THE WEST SIDE,

544
00:24:02,930 --> 00:24:04,190
I WOULD FIND
MORE THAN A FEW GIRLS

545
00:24:04,230 --> 00:24:05,430
WHO FEEL USED AND ABUSED
BY YOU.

546
00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:09,500
Y-YOU SEEM TO THINK THAT I HAVE
THIS NARROW PERCEPTION OF YOU?

547
00:24:09,530 --> 00:24:12,500
BUT IT'S YOU WITH THE NARROW
PERCEPTION OF ME.

548
00:24:12,540 --> 00:24:14,870
I LOVE WOMEN.
I HAVE ALL THEIR ALBUMS.

549
00:24:14,900 --> 00:24:16,640
SHIT!

550
00:24:16,670 --> 00:24:19,210
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'D JUST FEEL
BETTER ABOUT THIS THING

551
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,180
IF I DIDN'T THINK
YOU WERE RE-ENTERING

552
00:24:21,210 --> 00:24:23,510
THIS HOPELESSLY DYSFUNCTIONAL
RELATIONSHIP

553
00:24:23,550 --> 00:24:25,550
WITH AN AGGRESSIVELY MEDIOCRE
WHITE GUY.

554
00:24:25,580 --> 00:24:28,950
I'VE SPENT TIME WITH THE MAN.
TIME STOOD STILL.

555
00:24:28,980 --> 00:24:30,250
[ Chuckling ] OH.

556
00:24:30,290 --> 00:24:32,790
THIS FROM SOMEONE
WHO'S STILL HOPELESSLY IN LOVE

557
00:24:32,820 --> 00:24:33,960
WITH HIS EX...WHATEVER.

558
00:24:33,990 --> 00:24:36,690
WELL, AT LEAST SHE'S COOL.

559
00:24:36,730 --> 00:24:38,730
OKAY, WHAT ARE YOU -- 4?

560
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,530
[ CHUCKLES ]

561
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,670
PERHAPS.

562
00:24:42,700 --> 00:24:43,830
I DON'T KNOW.

563
00:24:43,870 --> 00:24:46,800
WE JUST MISSED IT, HANK.

564
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,810
IN ANOTHER LIFETIME, WE WOULD
HAVE BEEN A SCORCHING COUPLE.

565
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:51,170
YEAH.

566
00:24:51,210 --> 00:24:52,940
BUT IN THIS ONE, WE --

567
00:24:52,980 --> 00:24:56,240
MISSED IT. MISSED IT.

568
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,980
ALL RIGHT.

569
00:24:59,010 --> 00:25:00,580
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.

570
00:25:00,620 --> 00:25:03,620
AND BEST OF LUCK
IN ALL YOUR FUTURE ENDEAVORS.

571
00:25:03,650 --> 00:25:04,550
AND TRY NOT TO FORGET

572
00:25:04,590 --> 00:25:06,220
ALL THE TIMES I BROUGHT YOU
TO FRUITION --

573
00:25:06,250 --> 00:25:07,820
33, TO BE EXACT.

574
00:25:07,860 --> 00:25:12,260
AND WHEN MARRIED GUY
GOES BACK TO HIS WIFE,

575
00:25:12,290 --> 00:25:13,960
WHICH HE WILL,

576
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:17,670
I HOPE THAT YOU COME
TRY TO FIND ME.

577
00:25:17,700 --> 00:25:20,340
I HOPE THAT YOU KNOW
WHERE TO LOOK.

578
00:25:20,370 --> 00:25:23,870
FACE DOWN IN A PUDDLE
OF YOUR OWN SICK?

579
00:25:23,910 --> 00:25:25,070
STILL NOT WRITING?

580
00:25:25,110 --> 00:25:26,210
L.O.L.

581
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,780
[ LAUGHS ]

582
00:25:27,810 --> 00:25:29,950
L.O.-FUCKIN'-L.

583
00:25:29,980 --> 00:25:31,710
BYE.

584
00:25:31,750 --> 00:25:33,120
BYE.

585
00:26:11,220 --> 00:26:12,990
Hank: YOU'RE QUIET.

586
00:26:13,020 --> 00:26:15,120
Becca:
I LIKE QUIET.

587
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,660
YEAH, ME TOO...

588
00:26:17,690 --> 00:26:20,800
AS LONG AS YOU'RE OKAY.

589
00:26:20,830 --> 00:26:22,400
MY HEART HURTS.

590
00:26:22,430 --> 00:26:25,700
OH, GOD, BABY.
MINE, TOO.

591
00:26:25,730 --> 00:26:27,800
IS IT BOY TROUBLE?

592
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:32,140
ME TOO.
WELL, GIRL TROUBLE.

593
00:26:32,170 --> 00:26:34,710
YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT?

594
00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:35,640
NO.

595
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,950
I JUST WANT TO KNOW
WHEN IT STOPS HURTING.

596
00:26:38,980 --> 00:26:40,750
WELL, HERE'S THE DEAL,

597
00:26:40,780 --> 00:26:42,320
AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA WANT
TO HEAR THIS,

598
00:26:42,350 --> 00:26:44,220
SO IT'S GONNA SOUND LIKE
PISS-POOR PARENTING,

599
00:26:44,250 --> 00:26:46,890
BUT IF YOU'RE LUCKY,
NEVER.

600
00:26:49,290 --> 00:26:51,730
OH, WHAT COULD AIL THEE,
KNIGHT AT ARMS,

601
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:53,160
ALONE AND PALELY LOITERING?

602
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,300
THE SEDGE HAS WITHERED
FROM THE LAKE,

603
00:26:55,330 --> 00:26:57,700
AND NO BIRDS SING.

604
00:26:57,730 --> 00:27:00,340
KEATS, "LA BELLE DAME
SANS MERCI"?

605
00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:03,070
IS THAT THE BEST
YOU CAN DO, DAD?

606
00:27:03,110 --> 00:27:06,010
HOW ABOUT SOMETHING
FROM THIS CENTURY?

607
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,780
HOW ABOUT -- YOU GOT DYLAN'S
"BLOOD ON THE TRACKS"?

608
00:27:08,810 --> 00:27:11,380
YOU EVER LISTEN TO THAT?
CLASSIC HEARTBREAK ALBUM.

609
00:27:11,410 --> 00:27:13,350
I CAN GIFT IT TO YOU
ON YOUR iPod.

610
00:27:13,380 --> 00:27:17,090
* IF YOU SEE HER, SAY HELLO
DAD.

611
00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:20,060
* SHE MIGHT BE IN TANGIER
DAD.

612
00:27:20,090 --> 00:27:23,090
* SHE LEFT HERE
LAST EARLY SPRING *

613
00:27:23,130 --> 00:27:27,260
* IS LIVING THERE, I HEAR

614
00:27:27,300 --> 00:27:31,700
* SAY FOR ME
THAT I'M ALL RIGHT *

615
00:27:31,730 --> 00:27:35,870
* THOUGH THINGS GET
KIND OF SLOW *

616
00:27:35,900 --> 00:27:41,080
* SHE MIGHT THINK
THAT I'VE FORGOTTEN HER *

617
00:27:41,110 --> 00:27:45,280
* DON'T TELL HER IT ISN'T SO

618
00:27:47,380 --> 00:27:50,350
-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com

619
00:27:50,390 --> 00:27:52,820
CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY
SHOWTIME NETWORKS

620
00:27:52,860 --> 00:27:54,390
AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS